My approach
Emotionally Focused Therapy, in plain terms
EFT is one of the most studied approaches to couples therapy. It treats a recurring fight as a pattern you're both caught in, and works on the feelings underneath it. Most couples haven't heard of it before they start, and that's fine.
One partner pushes
Pushes for an answer, gets louder or says more, and keeps going after it stops helping, because stopping feels like losing you.
Underneath“Do I still matter to you?”
One partner pulls back
Goes quiet, gets very calm and logical, or leaves the room to keep things from heating up, because staying feels like letting you down again.
Underneath“Can I ever get this right?”
Stage one
De-escalate
We slow the cycle down until you can both spot it while it's happening, so you can stop it together.
Stage two
Restructure
You start having the conversations you've avoided, saying what's really underneath to each other, and being heard.
Stage three
Consolidate
You practice repairing until you can do it without me. Therapy isn't meant to go on forever.
What I'm aiming for
Most couples come in wanting quick help with a specific problem: money, feeling disconnected, an affair, or the same argument again. We do work on those.
Underneath, my goal is always to help the two of you learn to handle it together. I'm not there to solve it for you or to side with one of you.
In the room
In sessions, I slow things down. I'll ask what you felt right before you said something, and we'll stay with the moment a conversation turned, often longer than feels comfortable. That's usually where the important part is.
Change usually comes in small steps rather than one breakthrough: a pause where there used to be a fight, or one honest sentence where there used to be silence.
What I draw on
EFT is the core of my work, with couples and individuals alike. Alongside it, I draw on the Gottman research on what predicts whether a relationship lasts, on solution-focused work when a couple needs traction quickly, and on cognitive-behavioral strategies when they help.